As a depressive, I know exactly what he means about the light going on after starting the right medication…read on:
Herald-Tribune: You once said you were on Mulholland Drive, after you had started on the drug lithium, and everything for you “letterboxed.”
Dreyfuss: Yep, 10 days exactly after I started. I felt all of a sudden that my bottom and my top were inaccessible, and I was in the middle world. At the time, it was a great relief.
But after I had been doing it for 10 years, I really missed me.
Herald-Tribune: Are you taking something now?
Dreyfuss: Oh, yeah. I take a protocol.
The worst thing for me about manic-depression is that it is simply free-floating. You can have no reason whatsoever, and yet you are in the depths of an inarticulatable sadness and grief and self-hatred.
Knowing that it was free-floating was enough to drive me anywhere but there. You will go even to feeling worse as long as you can say to yourself, “It’s not me; it’s it.” If you think that it’s you, you will jump off a cliff.